To Do

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You know some SERIOUS self care is needed when “cry” is on your to do list.

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Robert D. MacDonald: November 19, 1922 – February 26, 2012

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When I picture my grandfather, I always have the same image in my mind. He is sitting in his chair with a blanket on his lap and a camera in his hands, capturing every moment that passes by. When we got together he always had his camera ready.

 

I had the privilege last weekend of sorting through thousands of pictures he had in his basement. In doing so, I learned more about him than I ever thought I would. Out of the thousands of pictures I went through, most were taken of his family. Some of the photos were posed for, but most were candid shots of us eating, laughing, talking, shielding our eyes from the constant flashes, or making obnoxious faces to let grandpa know we saw the camera.

 

It was amazing how you could look at a picture and see what he was seeing: the beauty that he saw every time he looked at his family. The amount of love and devotion he had for us poured out from the pictures. If there was ever doubt that he loved his family (or his roses), there are about five thousand pictures in his basement to prove it to you.

 

I didn’t have many conversations with my grandfather. However, looking at the pictures made it feel like we had talked for years. I regret that I didn’t really start to understand the way he communicated his love for our family until now, but now I have hundreds of pictures to take home with me whenever I need a little time with him. I guess it wasn’t until this past weekend that I really understood the idiom, which I’m sure we’ve heard all to often, but a picture really is worth a thousand words.

Bum buuuuummmmmmmm

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You hear that? That’s the noise my old computer made when it booted up. Yeah, before it was stolen. Taken clean out of my apartment. That is also the noise that my new computer makes because I have an amazing support system that helped me out so I could be reconnected to the world that is internet and computer.

 

I can’t really complain too much right now…I’ve decided to drop a class and put a hold on grad school because the stress and the passion just aren’t there, I’m not doing too bad financially because of a nice little thing called tax return and a little extra income, the animals are better trained, and all-in-all it’s been a great day.

 

I find that it’s hard to write a lot unless I’m pissed off about something or have just had something crazy happen to me. Or maybe…it’s because I just did a presentation and I am super drained. It could be both.

New plan…

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New plan…eat everything in my apartment so I can put off going to the grocery store as long as possible. Step one: eat entire batch of cookies for dinner plus milk.

You should be a scientist.

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Okay…it’s time to vent a little bit.

I am absolutely, 100% tired of being told that I should be a model. I don’t care if I’m “skinny enough to be one,” “pretty enough to be one,” or “tall enough to be one.”

Apparently being tall, thin and good looking means that you have no brains and no other purpose in life but to get into a bikini and become objectified by women and men alike.

Forget going to school. Forget that awesome Rice degree I got. Forget the masters I’m working towards. Nope, I’m a pretty girl so modeling is the best choice for me. I’m tired of people talking about my looks, not because I’m embarrassed, but because I would like to think that I am so much more than just my appearance.

The worst part is when I hear it before a work presentation.

“You should be a model.”

“Actually no, I should be doing what I’m doing because I’m damn good at it and I love my job.”

I don’t appreciate being limited because of my appearance. I also don’t appreciate that women in general are judged so much by their appearance. Even women that get into powerful political or executive positions are judged by their looks.

I’m going to stop now, to prevent this post from become a society-bashing shit show.

“I’m not going to limit myself just because people won’t accept the fact that I can do something else.”
―The one and only…Dolly Parton 🙂

New Year’s what??

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I’m still going strong on this three week war path on food…but…I’ve decided to change my New Year’s Resolutions.

Among the 50 or so plans I had, the ones I can remember were: 1) eat better 2) be more active 3) get organized 4) get the animals on a more consistent schedule 5) learn Spanish 6) take more time for myself 7) read more…and the list goes ooooooonnnnnnn. I’m reading this book right now called The Confident Woman [7) read more] and the author talks about how women grow up thinking (and being told) that they need to be selfless to the point of destruction of their own self. As I’m reading this book I can’t stop nodding my head and saying “well shit, that’s me.” So I’ve decided, per advice from author-lady human, that I am getting rid of all of my New Year’s Resolutions and replacing them with: 1) focus on what I want.

Whether you are a lady human or a man human (it seemed weird to write gentleman-human) I think that this New Year’s Resolution could help all of us…because a lot of times I think we find ourselves bending over backwards and working our asses off for someone or something else, without even questioning it. If you start to feel tired or exhausted and you are feeling like you “have” to do something…ask yourself who you are doing it for. Self-serving is great. Don’t worry about becoming a narcissist, those are the people that don’t self-serve enough so they want others to do it for them. The book includes a quote from Oscar Wilde that I think sums up everything: “Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live; it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.”

The Cleanse muhahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa…

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So this is the first week of the cleanse…which is a word I really hate. Thankfully, Whole Living has cleverly disguised it as their 2012 Action Plan. So basically, this means no: 1) processed foods, 2) gluten, 3) dairy, 4) added sugar, 5) caffeine, and 6) alcohol (noooooooooooooooo!). You may be wandering why I’ve decided to subject myself to what seems like stomach and taste bud torture…I’ll let you know when I figure out a simple answer for that one. For now, let’s just stick with I’m usually a relatively healthy and active person, while still enjoying the occasional pizza and leaving plenty of room for beer and wine (salud! – to health right?), but stress has sent me down a spiraling take out and delivery and too much tv path that I need a kick start to get out of…enters the 2012 Action Plan.

So as I’m writing this I am actually ending day 3 and since I decided to make my own hummus tonight…it has been going quite well, despite the mild headache from the lack of caffeine. Anyway, I’ve usually been really bad about sticking to stuff like this and the fact that I’m about to embark upon day 4 pretty much means I’m the shit right now. So get ready New Years resolutions, I’m about to kick you in the ass…bet you didn’t see that one coming. WAHBAM!

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